I don’t normally post like this.... but I figured I might as well share some of my progress and lessons learned.
Being sexually assaulted by a stranger at the end of last year, the fears of Covid-19 as of March and debilitating isolation gave me a couple options..... either to come out of it bitter... or to come out of it BETTER.
I CHOSE better.
I first struggled with major PTSD creating paranoia about my experiences and circumstances and all the extra time I had on my hands heightened my anxiety. Then the depression came flowing in with the shame of not feeling a sense of purpose and like I was going no where and accomplishing nothing. I then started binging on comfort food while in bed, and gave myself a pity party full of excuses such as spending weeks on end in bed victimizing myself calling it “self care”....
I then realized changes needed to be made. I was not happy and felt myself sinking further and further into the familiar comforting abyss of darkness and the attack of my depression, anxiety and PTSD. The choices WE MAKE determines our outcomes and it can sometimes be lost in the pool of emotions we end up swimming in at times..
So then I used my super power of choice to choose different. I chose to use the time I was granted to establish routines, to work on my mental health via therapy and support systems and to focus on my physical health via exercise and better food choices and hiring a personal coach.
My goal was and is to get stronger and be the healthiest I have ever been. I wanted to be able to do a push up, and to go for a run lasting longer than 2 minutes.
This is just the physical, visual progress you see that is TRUELY only a byproduct of the internal progress I’ve made.
What I did not realize while progressing towards these goals was the other accomplishments that would have come with it- the discipline and ability to commit to a goal; To finish something that I’ve started (something I’m notoriously known for doing, starting something and not finishing it). I’ve gained confidence in my ability to make decisions, to plan a head and to create and stick to a budget.
This new lifestyle has become my new coping mechanism, has become what I turn to during tough times. Unlike before depending on things that are unacceptable and just not doing anything for my life aside from momentarily soothing my pain.
I’ve made these changes in my life all while on an unemployment budget.... I bought my weekly fruits and veggies, invested in my protein shakes and vitamins and minerals, and most importantly I invested in taking the time to meal plan/prep and exercise.
I learned and continue to practice how to get back up on days that I may have slipped into getting off track and still work on it everyday. I’ve created connections with like minded individuals who I could rely on in those tough times and found ways to become more self compassionate and gentle with myself during tough times.
It’s a mindset thing but even when our minds are not focused or motivated to get things done, it boils down to remembering the vision, the goal, our reason why and just doing it anyway.
As I grow towards getting closer to my champagne birthday (turning 26 on July 26th) I have realized that if I REALLY want something I WILL make it happen, and I WILL do what it takes to get there!
Gracefully and thanks to the grace of Gods ENERGY that gives me life everyday, I have the WILL, there WILL always be a WAY!
But so do YOU!
under the sun,
By the shore
I can feel the words pour out of my core
Putting my heart into words
On the paper
Letter by letter
Explaining why I am grateful
Explaining what I am praying for
The sun rays warming my skin as my pen kisses the paper
with each letter I write on each line
I’m running out of pages
It’s time for a new journal...
This is the second one I’ve finished during self isolation
It’s been part of my healing
It’s where I write about the pains you don’t hear about
Write the words from my soul,
It’s the therapy I share with God,
The universe knows what I preach out loud,
But also knows what’s deep in my heart,
Some of it becomes my art.
You would never know what these eyes have seen and what goes on behind these eyes unless I told you... and even still some of you probably wouldn’t believe me.
A smile can be deceiving,
But if you can relate to the pains that lessons bring,
Then you too have the eyes that have that deep look and look deeply...
Deeply beyond the simple smile on the lips that say, “ I’m fine” so freely...
But on the inside you know there’s more than meets the eye behind the scenes..
Then you too know what I mean by “The eyes have seen more than you’d ever believe in”
The Sun and the Moon.
What amazing blobs of beauty just floating in the sky... the energy they both emit... one lights the day and brings life, grows all things including aiding our skin cells and one lights up the darkness of the night sky and amplifies our emotions.... How amazing life is when both are in balance, when the masculine and feminine comes together... the beauty it creates.
God is SOOO amazing, and has created so so so so much beauty! Everything is created in the image of God. Everything! God is Energy.
The Sun shines almost as bright as my future. I have faith in the process and path I’ve been put on knowing that no matter which route I take and no matter which bug may get in my face, Gods Son ☀️ will always lead the way for me.
God knows it's time for this people loving, God loving, encouraging, supporting, motivational community to SHINE! ☀️
“The truth will always come to light” something that’s stuck with me through it ALL... one day the light will shine bright and wishes will be made that the lies were never what it was...God knows our deepest intentions, even beyond the intentions we believe we have, God knows what’s in our hearts.
Today was beautiful! Made every moment of every agonizing stepping with blisters well worth the trek... on a side note my feet HATE me right now....
Such a universal emphasis on stillness lately... today’s verse of the day speaks volumes in regards to the importance of being still to truly hear God's word, the words that will light our path and provide the guidance we need in each of our journeys.
To be still is to quiet the worry and angst, the busy mind, the constant fight or flight survival response, the anger, frustrations and reactions.
To be still is to feel it all and observe, to acknowledge what it is we feel, why, and let it flow while understanding that the why may be a part of our guidance into becoming our truest self. But beyond all of that, to get to a place of calm, and having faith in all outcomes and experiences.... that is when the true light appears.
This too shall pass, just like the sun rises every morning,
my soul rises from the depths of these challenges bestowed upon me.
I will never give up. I will keep pushing through...
And even in those moments of what seems like darkness I know God will use those moments for glory too.
"As long as you know you kept it real, you did your part." @datingwright
thank you for sharing this post it truly inspired me to write !! To be authentic is to be vulnerable.
To be vulnerable is to be real and true; to let Gods voice lead the way, despite the fears of what other people are going to say.
To learn to discern between OUR voice and Gods voice, and the voice of temptation is a life long journey.
Our intuitions truly connect with our highest good, the highest good God has created for us,
The highest good we are sometimes so afraid of.
but if you can truly say you kept it REAL... not real to keep the people around, to keep that follower count... but real enough to be able to sleep at night, real enough to feel aligned inside, real enough that even if people have things to say, you can stand in your power and still be okay... then that’s all that matters... to be true to you... cause God see intentions, everything inside -the underlying truth.
And when we look back on our journeys, those are the moments where we’ve become rooted
kept going to keep growing as the realest version of you.
⁉️What do you normally do when you are feeling down, overwhelmed, or are simply trying to slow down an ever running mind? I'm learning more and more that I like to get creative and cooking is one way for me to do just that.
📲Please share them in the comments so anyone else who is feeling a little off these days, can try something new amidst all of the shut downs and chaos and panic that is taking place around the world.
☯️I’m choosing to look at this world wide “slow-down” period as exactly that... a time to slow down, reflect, try something new, organize and relax.
💚When was the last time we all had the chance to really do any of that. With all that’s going on world-wide right now... I truly believe that on the flip side to all of this, we are being provided an opportunity to really connect with ourselves and our loved ones if we choose to!
Happy Earth Day. Happy 444 day. Happy New Moon. Happy Taurus season.
I think God has made it pretty clear that God will take back the earth from humanity and make it whole again whether we like it or not... God will make sure animals explore the lands and waters where they once did before us humans fell susceptible to temptation and had created so much Dis-ease in those areas... the laws of karma show us that what goes around comes around... look who is pent up in “cages” now.... and while we are forced to self isolate and learn... God is using this time to grow a new normal universal understanding from the one we’ve hurt or been hurt from.
Some Monday Morning Motivation!
Wishing you all a great start to your week, whether your working, spending the day in pj’s binging Netflix, or cooking up a storm!
I highly recommend getting outside today, even if it’s for just 10 minutes! Get some fresh air in your lungs, and if you can... maybe even go for a walk around the block! it’ll get your blood rushing and give you some energy you didn’t know you had!
And if your mind is telling you “but I am justttttt toooo lazyyyyyyyy” just do it anyway! I promise you... you will NOT regret it once your done, back home, inside, back in your pjs all comfy and ready for that next episode ! 😁💚💙🧡💛